I was quite surprised by Australia’s result...
Well, I wasn't...
[video=youtube;I0TrA4zT1bc]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I0TrA4zT1bc[/video]
Australian soccer has rapidly gone downhill since the 2006 World Cup, practically regressing more than twenty years. The Socceroos' "talent pool" (now, that's a laugh...) is virtually just as shallow as in the "bad old days" of the late 1980s and early 1990s, with one crucial difference. That difference is that we aren't on the cusp of producing a
comparatively talented crop of players capable of performing at a moderate international level. That is, a level sufficient enough to guarantee avoiding painfully embarrassing results against nations which, compared with the sport's ****ing minnows, are unicellular ectoparasites - such as the microscopically lightweight Oman, for instance.
Despite the match being shown live on free-to-air TV I decided to spare myself some severe hypertension by opting not to watch. My prescience was obviously rewarded as I surely would have demolished the room had I witnessed the horrific display of sporting ineptitude served up by our proud "national team". I did, however, make the mistake of checking on the score after about ten minutes. This was a very bad move, for Oman had scored after a mere six minutes so the good old blood pressure instantly shot up before I managed to turn the TV off in snarling disgust.
Manager Holger Osieck is is a dunce who couldn't find his arse with both hands in a well-lit room equipped with a gleaming full-wall mirror. In any country where the sport is taken seriously, this lame prick would have been sacked after last September's loss to Jordan. But no, he's still hanging around to impart his high-achieving "wisdom" in exchange for a juicy salary. Sure puts the barter system to shame. Osieck mightn't be copping any chicks for free (which would be wasted anyway, as he looks like he hasn't cracked a fat since Germany won the World Cup back in 1990), but there's certainly plenty of money for nothing. Wondering what I'm blathering on about? Click here:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iwDDswGsJ60
Yet Osieck clearly isn't the sole problem. With a couple of exceptions (well, one really: 40-year old goalkeeper Mark Schwarzer, who was also less-than-impressive on Oman's first goal) the team's raw material isn't worth a pinch of ****.
I'll bet that every one of You has heard of global superstars Michael Thwaite, Robert Cornthwaite, Matt McKay, James Holland, and Alex Brosque. No? Now,
that is strange...
Conversely, our soccer regulars will be familiar with Mark Schwarzer, Tim Cahill, Luke Wilkshire, and Mark Bresciano - and will therefore presumably be aware that all of these fellows are over 31 years of age.
Our regulars will likewise know who Brett Holman is. Particularly keen regulars may even have noted that Holman has only started 16 of Aston Villa's 31 Premier League matches to date this season. Villa, of course, are threatened with relegation...
Then there's Mile Jedinak, who provided that kindergarten own goal which put Oman 2-0 up. This 28-year old genius turns out for Crystal Palace - a League Championship club. Mind You, he'd been with Turkish "giants" Genclerbirligi and Antalyaspor prior to his move to the English second tier, so he's had the proverbial stellar career. ****, he's probably about to hit his prime. Yes, the Australians all play at the "highest level"...
Midfield creativity? None.
Any creativity at all? None.
Tactical awareness? Negligible.
Firepower up front? Negligible.
Defensive discipline? Precariously shaky.
Team psychology? Collective fear-induced paralysis.
Yes, that's the Socceroos for You...
A team like this shouldn't be allowed anywhere near the finals. Put it this way - Australia certainly doesn't need the calamitous embarrassment an appearance in Brazil would surely involve...
