After six weeks of wallowing in the acidic doldrums of his sixth 2[SUP]nd[/SUP] place finish at the 2013 U.S. Open, Phil Mickelson stunned the golf world today, completing perhaps the best back nine of his career, shooting a 66 on the dreadfully difficult Muirfield Links. In the final 18 holes of the tournament, the ever-humble, family-oriented all-time great holed 1 bogey, 11 pars, and 6 supernatural birdies that all seemed as if destiny itself gave them speed so that he, and he alone, may lift the hallowed Claret Jug for the first time.
Phil was brilliant on the 13[SUP]th[/SUP] and 14[SUP]th[/SUP], displayed immense composure whilst saving a critical par after a bad roll on the 16[SUP]th[/SUP], and exhibited savant-like precision in perhaps the greatest performance on the 17[SUP]th[/SUP] and 18[SUP]th[/SUP] holes in British Open history…
[video=youtube;2oY5gXrNsqg]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2oY5gXrNsqg[/video]
CAPTION: The Putt That Made Cultural Marxists Retch
Speaking of retching, all the skin privilege, drunken Anglo-Saxon DWFs cloaked in novelty Bengal tiger costumes, Rolex commercials, relentless undeserved corporate media coverage, and ESPN’s everlasting “Wooing Tiger to Victory†custom couldn’t save Tigirl Woods from playing like an above average golfer capable only of shrinking in the most critical of moments. After Phil’s ascension into the lead, Tiger’s temper seemed to get the best of him, mouthing
“m-otherf-cuker†and
“son of a f-cking bitch†after several missed putts, and again spitting on the green (I believe it was the 14[SUP]th[/SUP] hole) like the tawdry, friendless, rude, corn-toothed, spoiled-rotten peckerhead that he is, and always has been. But, hey, at least the little black skank-fiend has his A-cup sporting, fake-blond, wrinkle-faced imbecile whore-du-jour, “Lindsey Vonn Afrika,†to gone home to…
CAPTION: “Slut De La Sluts†Disgraces Her DNA
CAPTION: Tiger Likes Small-Breasted Women
CAPTION: Bitter, Balding Tiger Loathes Stevie Williams
Every major championship departed from the greedy grasp of this All-American Freakshow should be celebrated by all Anti-Marxists. Of course, today’s events were extra-special, as Phil Mickelson represents everything that is right and good…not only in professional golf but in the salvageable portion of white America. Congrats to Phil!