East Regional
1. Michigan
The Wolverines secured the final #1 seed despite losing three of their last five games. Their two best players are white, so this is an appealing team to cheer for. Head coach Juwan Howard, now in his second year, was already a celebrity from his Fab Five days. This has translated into “elite recruiting,” meaning that once the players he inherited from John Beilein graduate, we shouldn’t expect to see many whites on the court going forward.
Sophomore and German international Franz Wagner is the Big Ten’s best NBA prospect, projected to be drafted at the end of the lottery. The brother of ex-Wolverine Moe, Franz is a 6’10 wing with a quick shot release and excellent range. Although he’s often the leading scorer, Franz’ best trait is his defense, and he was probably robbed of the DPoY conference award considering his steal and block rates. Wagner will need a big tourney for the Wolverines to make the final weekend.
Hunter Dickinson ranks as a top-5 freshman nationally after a dominant first season. The 7’1 oak tree has been marvelous with his rim protection, strength in the paint, and ability to stay on the court through fitness and lack of foul trouble. Dickinson’s stats have tapered off once teams started to automatically double him, but he is virtually unstoppable against undersized centers and can shut down the very best of them on defense. Without a three-point game, he’s likely to return to college next year and make waves for some national awards. Interesting tidbit: his commitment to the Wolverines was somewhat of a consolation prize after they lost a recruiting battle with North Carolina for the higher-rated Walker Kessler, who has struggled to get minutes this season.
Michigan also plays backup center Austin Davis to spell Dickinson. Davis is a hustle guy with his own set of crafty post moves. He can be an offensive spark plug but is limited defensively. To his credit, Howard invited Davis back for a fifth year and coached the big man up to the top of his potential.
The Wolverines are white-friendly for the time being, but will also miss senior leader Isaiah Livers with a foot injury. Livers is the only player on the team who kneels for the national anthem, so I will not miss rooting for him.
16. Mount St. Mary’s vs. Texas Southern (play-in game)
The Mountaineers have an Albanian and a Czech on their roster. The Czech plays 10 minutes a game; otherwise, this team is all-black.
The Texas Southern Tigers are an HCBU with nary a paleface to be found. They do employ two white assistant coaches and a video coordinator from southeast Asia.
8. LSU
The Tigers are all-black save for two white walk-ons. I find it incredulous that this program is allowed to participate in basketball after coach Will Wade was taped complaining that his bribes to the Adidas bag man were not enough to secure some 3-star recruit. “We made a competitive offer!” The audio is in the public domain, but Wade was not fired and LSU was not punished. Tune in to see which fine specimens LSU did purchase from the auction house.
9. St. Bonaventure
The Bonnies tout an all-black roster for their white head coach, Mark Schmidt, who wins a gold star for his diversity initiative.
5. Colorado
The Buffalos are an extremely segregated squad if you sort the “minutes played” stat on the team page. The seven white players are at the bottom of the list, and the nine black players are on the top. There is a Brazilian player who serves as the dividing line - more worthy of minutes than the whites, but not able to outpace any of the blacks. White coach Tad Boyle oversees this robust walk-on program.
12. Georgetown
Do you even need to ask? Georgetown has an all-black roster and an all-black coaching staff. Georghe Muresan’s son is apparently a practice squad walk-on, but has not logged a minute yet. Coach Patrick Ewing got a miracle run out of this team at Madison Square Garden to win the Big East tournament. Mac McClung did well to get the hell out of there.
4. Florida State
Seminoles coach Leonard Hamilton will never be confused with being racially-neutral. The team starts a white center from Serbia, Balsa Koprivica, who has been coming on strong late in the season. Hamilton also stocks a bloc of white walk-ons at the end of his bench to bolster the team GPA. FSU always gives opponents trouble with their height, but doesn’t really possess much “basketball IQ.”
13. UNC Greensboro
The Spartans bring in 7’1 center Hayden Koval as their sixth man and play 6’10 reserve forward Bas Leyte sparingly. Not a team to get excited about.
6. BYU
With the recent racial overhaul of its football team, I was very pleasantly surprised to see that the Cougars’ team composition reflects what one might expect from a Mormon university in Utah. BYU starts four white players and features eight whites overall in their ten man rotation. Head coach Mark Pope, a former Cougar himself in his second year at the helm, has the team trending up, again finishing behind only Gonzaga in the WCC. At 20-6 on the season, BYU endured 3 of those losses to the Zags. Thus far, Pope has shown no propensity toward using LDS missionaries in the third world as talent scouts.
BYU is led by senior guard Alex Barcello, who averages 15.9 points, 4.7 rebounds, 4.5 assists and one steal per contest while shooting a deadly 48.6% from downtown. Dutch big man Matt Haarms may be a familiar name after transferring from Purdue last year: he contributes averages of 11 points, 5 boards, and 2 blocks(!) each night. Freshman forward Caleb Lohner flexes his muscle in the paint for a 7 rpg average. The Cougars play fast using a deep bench, and potent offense is often the key to tournament upsets.
11. Michigan State vs UCLA (play-in game)
Spartan fans have plenty to say about Tom Izzo’s mediocre season. But this isn’t some mealy-mouthed DWF message board - this is Caste Football! Izzo has played three white players amongst his ensemble cast this year, trying many different starting lineups and position shifts. Joey Hauser is the most prolific and can be penciled in as a starter. After transferring from Marquette last year, Hauser has not performed up to his star ranking and is not having nearly as much success as his twin brother Sam at Virginia. Thomas Kithier has started half the games at power forward but ultimately only averages 10 minutes per game. Diminutive point guard Foster Loyer has also bounced into the starting lineup at times at averages 16 minutes.
Unfortunately, several of Michigan State’s big wins came late in the season after Loyer went down with a shoulder injury. His timetable is still uncertain, he hasn’t played since mid February, and given the recent run of success, there’s no guarantee he’s pushed back into the lineup at all. The Spartans backed into the tournament this year to keep their streak alive, but they are a poor offensive team that takes too many mid-range jumpers via ‘hero ball’ offense. On any night, they could lock down a powerhouse and squeak by, or succumb to a middling opponent.
In his second season with the UCLA Bruins, head coach Mick Cronin has the team resembling his squads back at Cincinnati. Gone are the white-friendly days of Steve Alford. The Bruins do start a Mexican wing, junior Jaime Jaquez Jr., who would surely be cataloged as ‘white’ if he committed a crime. Shooting guard Jake Kyman also gets 11 minutes off the bench, and there are two white walk-ons riding the pine.
3. Texas
The Longhorns are led by black supremacist coach Shaka Smart, who now
looks like a jewish substitute teacher after growing his hair out a bit. Texas only plays backup forward Brock Cunningham 15 minutes per game, and he averages more rebounds than points.
14. Abilene Christian
The Wildcats start center Kolton Kohl and play three white backups in their ten man rotation. Kohl leads the team with 12.3 ppg despite averaging shy of 19 minutes of floor time. At 7’1, 240 lbs, he is a load in the middle. Backup wing Clay Gayman chips in 8.5 points as well.
7. UConn
The Huskies are a black supremacist team led by caste stooge Dan Hurley. The Hurleys are a large, wealthy white family and basketball royalty in the northeast. Despite their lineage of sporting success, they refuse to recruit white athletes. There are two white walk-ons at UConn who will never, ever play, including Dan’s own son, Andrew.
10. Maryland
The Terrapins play zero white players. They have three white walk-ons at the end of their bench. Coach Mark Turgeon is an enigma, infamous with his fanbase for refusing to pay homage to the AAU power brokers in the DC area, thus disqualifying him from recruiting many of the region’s top-rated black athletes. Maryland is also sponsored by Under Armour, who can write the athletic department a big check but does not have the sneaker infrastructure to steer high school players into certain schools, as Adidas and Nike famously do. Despite supposedly bucking this popular trend, Turgeon struggles to locate any white players to recruit.
2. Alabama
Second year coach Nate Oats has done a fantastic job elevating Alabama up the SEC pecking order. He’s an analytics-minded coach that preaches a maximally-efficient offense of three pointers and layups/dunks only. Unfortunately, he does this without any white players. Three white walk-ons use the games to practice their cheerleading routines for football season.
15. Iona
Basketball bad boy Rick Pitino has the Gaels dancing in his first season back amongst polite company. Senior big Dylan Van Eyck starts and chips in about 7 points and 6 boards. He’s the only white player who sees the floor. Iona also keeps four whites stashed at the end of the bench in case they are challenged to a spelling contest.
