Humor

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White Shogun

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Let's post funny jokes, pictures and videos in this thread. :D
 
America's Dumbest Criminals episode 5. At 8:55 you see a man robbing a store wearing a clear plastic bag over his head as a disguise. You can't get any dumber than that.

 
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If this gets deleted so be it. Just a joke here that I made up.
Why don't black people make good lumberjacks?
Because they only thing they are good at axing are questions.
 
McCaffrey Dude said:
If this gets deleted so be it. Just a joke here that I made up.
Why don't black people make good lumberjacks?
Because they only thing they are good at axing are questions.
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Hilarious! Truly you've missed your calling, you should be booking gigs in the Catskills.
 
Thanks. I knew you would come around. It only took 12 years or something like that. I hate the Catskills BTW. To many Israelis though Minnewaska is nice. I grew up near New Paltz. Beats Frackville PA anyday.
 
Charles Martel said:
Sometimes people telling the truth without political correctness is makes me laugh.

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Dang, truth is truth no matter who says it. This guy is right on target!
 
Charles Martel said:
Sometimes people telling the truth without political correctness is makes me laugh.

Click to expand...

Tommy Sotomayor sure has his great moments. Reminds me of Pastor James Manning, who sort of peaked in the Obama Era. His “best of” video has some genuine laugh out loud moments and lines.

 
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Hey all, ran across these guys the other day from SNL. They are black, so they can get away with rayciss stuff against their own. It's funny since they go full-bore with the old gaudy color Hollywood stereotype from back in the early days but with modern issues. But the best part is the very last line........
 
Yea they had one that cracked me up about football

But of course they wanna act like it's the White guy that's racist even when many black commentators laugh at White players and mock them . It just had me laughing when he said "Voodoo" to describe Blount
 
Compilation of dumb plays in sports.

 
Here's a piece of humor trivia I never knew about. I always thought,"yeah, that's the ticket" was originally said by SNL, "Tommy Slonoggin." No, it was said in the log ago movie "The African Queen" by Humphrey Bogart.
 
These are from a book called "Disorder in the Court" and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while the exchanges were taking place.
__________

ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
WITNESS: July 18th.
ATTORNEY: What year?
WITNESS: Every year.
__________
ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?
WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?
WITNESS: Forty-five years.
__________
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
__________
ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: He's 20, very close to your IQ.
__________
ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you serious?
__________
ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Your Honor, I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Take a guess.
__________
ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male.
__________
ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
__________
ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.
__________
ATTORNEY: ALL of your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you attend?
WITNESS: Oral.
__________
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.
__________
ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.
--
 
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