Phall
Master
Since 2005, Michigan has started 8, 7, 8, 9, 8, 9, 9, 8, 12, 11, 10, 10, 8, 7, 6, 5, 7, 5, and 8 white players. They project to start 7 this season, although a racial QB battle will continue throughout the year. In the past twelve months, the Wolverines program has seen its head coach suspended, reinstated on appeal, re-suspended, won the Big Ten with the assistant on the sidelines, won the national championship, replaced its head coach, and saw 13 players get drafted, including their starting quarterback, running back, and entire offensive line. The 2024 season will be a reset in many ways.
Coaching: Sherrone Moore becomes Michigan football’s first ever Black African American Head Coach. Moore called the plays as Co-OC last season and won consecutive Joe Moore awards in 2021 and 2022 as OL coach (starting 9 of 10 whites those years). Moore earned some infamy during last year's Penn State game by calling thirty straight running plays, so that can be safely assumed as the preferred playbook. He has a white wife and talks a lot about “family” and “culture” as part of his brand.
New offensive coordinator Kirk Campbell is on the fast track as an internal promotion from QB coach. The new defensive coordinator, certifiable fat bastard Wink Martindale, is a 20-year NFL veteran who is credited with the coaching tree that produced Michigan’s two previous DCs (Mike McDonald and Jesse Minter, both now back in the NFL). Martindale worked for ten seasons with John Harbaugh’s Ravens and continues that particular tradition of cross-pollination between Michigan and Baltimore.
Quarterback: Michigan enters the season with five backup quarterbacks. Because JJ McCarthy waited until the eleventh hour to declare for the NFL (Michigan was still playing in January), the Wolverines weren’t really able to bid on the top transfer mercenaries. There will most likely be shared snaps, unique packages, and a benching or two throughout the season. I’ll split this position into two groups:
Blacks: Alex Orji was playing meaningful snaps down the stretch last season, running the ball 15 times while throwing no passes. He is described with every fawning adjective in the DWF vocabulary, tiptoeing around the issue that he doesn’t throw the ball very well. If you think of Alabama’s Jalen Milroe as a poor man’s Tim Tebow, consider Alex Orji to be a pauper’s Jalen Milroe. Next up, Jayden Denegal plays like a quarterback but seems to be a clear fourth man in the pecking order. Orji and Denegal were signed as “project” recruits three years ago (by departed black QB fetishist Matt Weiss) because McCarthy was an entrenched projected starter. Incoming freshman QB Jadyn Davis will redshirt. Davis was originally a 5-star recruit but has lost a bit of bloom from his high school hype. He was a local kid with strong interest, at which point you pretty much have to take him. I don’t feel he’s guaranteed to be a multi-year starter anymore.
Whites: A traditional redshirt, two transfers, a medical redshirt, and a Covid hoax year are the combination of circumstances that bring Jack Tuttle to fall camp for a seventh season. Tuttle falls into the stereotype of the safe, checkdown-throwing game manager, although he is an adept scrambler (converting a 3rd and 17 last year). He was JJ McCarthy’s backup last season and has played the most non-wildcat snaps in terms of experience. Former walk-on Davis Warren was hurt last season but was McCarthy’s primary backup in 2022. He is allegedly the fastest sprinter in the QB room. While Tuttle represents high-floor/low-ceiling, Orji is thought to represent the opposite, and Warren is somewhere in between.
Carter Smith and Brady Hart are both four-star (white QB) signees from the 2025 and 2026 class, which gives an idea how Sherrone Moore’s staff is recruiting the position going forward.
I predict that Tuttle gets the nod, at least for Week One. Orji will play at some point and attempt his first pass, and we’ll go from there. I would personally like to see Davis Warren, if only because Michigan hasn’t started a walk-on at QB in almost 20 years and he seems to have the right tools.
Running back: The big and only name to follow is redshirt freshman Cole Cabana. Cabana was a high school track star with a 4.34 camp 40 time (10.55 sec 100m, similar to recent 1st round WR Xavier Worthy) and a 4-star recruiting ranking. He’s in a crowded running back room for one more year, but Michigan’s 3rd running back has averaged 42 carries over the past 3 seasons. Cabana is a bit of a unicorn at 6’0 198 lbs: the only non-midget rusher in the NFL with a sub-200 lbs frame is Buffalo’s James Hall (who just had a very good season). **Cabana weighed into fall camp at 204 lbs last week**
This is a tired cliche, but here’s how I’d describe Michigan’s running backs, sorted by class:
senior: Donovan Edwards (speed) 6'1 212 lbs
RS junior Kalel Mullings (power) 6'2 233 lbs
RS junior Tavierre Dunlap (power) 6'0 229 lbs
RS freshman Benjamin Hall (power) 5'11 235 lbs
RS freshman Cole Cabana (speed) 6'0 204 lbs
freshman Jordan Marshall (mix) 5'11 210 lbs
freshman Micah Ka’apana (speed) 5'11 190
In 2025, the Wolverines will have an All-American sized hole for a “speed”-centered running back. Cabana has a window for some touches this year and would be well-served by catching swing passes with space in front of him, which Michigan/Moore has not historically called much. Something worth noting is that Cabana was recruited by former RB coach (and RB) Mike Hart, who left the program last year. New RB coach Tony Alford might not be so “open-minded” to a white running back. If the true freshman backs (especially Ka’apana) start seeing carries, it’s a strong sign that Cabana is getting jerked.
Tight Ends: Idaho’s finest Colston Loveland will be on some pre-season All-American lists and remains a focal point of the passing game. Max Bredeson, brother of NFL guard Ben, mostly just blocks and will likely play starter’s snaps as an “H-back.” Marlin Klein will have a decent campaign as the second pass-catching tight end as a prelude to an eventual pro career, and there are a few more white underclassmen behind these guys.
I’ll add a line here that walk-on wide receiver Peyton O’Leary didn’t see much of the field last year despite being a Spring Game breakout star. He’s limited by the run-heavy offense, but I’ll hold out hope that he gets more action with another year under his belt.
Offensive Line: Michigan drops to three white starters this season. Josh Priebe joins the team via transfer from Northwestern, Greg Crippen gets his overdue promotion at center, and Andrew Gentry will probably get the shot to become a future three-year starter at tackle. I decided not to include Giovanni El-Hadi with the whites, as he’s half-Greek half-Mohammedan. Jeffrey Persi is the probable plug-in sixth lineman. Recruits are still mostly white and project to a 4/5 future average.
Defense: Mason Graham is the team’s best player while lining up as a 3-tech DT. He will be a sack machine once again and will mostly likely be a mid-first round draft pick. Graham is the only white starter on the defense. (Hmm, they should have found some more!)
At LB, Jimmy Rolder was hurt much of last year after getting playing time as a true freshman. He’s still a backup this season but should get some important rotational snaps. True freshman Cole Sullivan has a lot of spring practice buzz. Brooks Bahr, walk-on Joey Klunder, and true freshman Owen Wafle may get snaps on the defensive line, but they’re not likely to be featured heavily.
Michigan has no white edges to continue the Chase Winovich - Aidan Hutchinson - Braiden McGregor pipeline. In fact, the Wolverines have been shoehorning their white defenders into two positions: defensive tackle and inside linebacker. Six of the nine white defenders on the scholarship roster who aren’t Mason Graham are technically backups to Mason Graham. I hope they develop a little bit of versatility as the season progresses.
Overall, this is a pretty standard “caste” team, with one white potential All-American on either side of the ball.
Starters:
QB: Jack Tuttle
TE: Colston Loveland
H-Back: Max Bredeson
OL: Josh Priebe, Alan Gentry, Greg Crippen
DT: Mason Graham
Backups:
QB: Davis Warren
WR: Peyton O’Leary
TE: Marlin Klein, Deakon Tonielli, Brady Prieskorn, Hogan Hansen
OL: Jeffrey Persi, Tristan Bounds, Dominic Giudice, Connor Jones, Evan Link, Luke Hamilton, Ben Roebuck, Jake Guarnera
DL: Joey Klunder, Brooks Bahr, Alessandro Lorenzetti, Owen Wafle, Ted Hammond, Manuel Beigel
LB: Jimmy Rolder, Christian Boivin, Cole Sullivan
Coaching: Sherrone Moore becomes Michigan football’s first ever Black African American Head Coach. Moore called the plays as Co-OC last season and won consecutive Joe Moore awards in 2021 and 2022 as OL coach (starting 9 of 10 whites those years). Moore earned some infamy during last year's Penn State game by calling thirty straight running plays, so that can be safely assumed as the preferred playbook. He has a white wife and talks a lot about “family” and “culture” as part of his brand.
New offensive coordinator Kirk Campbell is on the fast track as an internal promotion from QB coach. The new defensive coordinator, certifiable fat bastard Wink Martindale, is a 20-year NFL veteran who is credited with the coaching tree that produced Michigan’s two previous DCs (Mike McDonald and Jesse Minter, both now back in the NFL). Martindale worked for ten seasons with John Harbaugh’s Ravens and continues that particular tradition of cross-pollination between Michigan and Baltimore.
Quarterback: Michigan enters the season with five backup quarterbacks. Because JJ McCarthy waited until the eleventh hour to declare for the NFL (Michigan was still playing in January), the Wolverines weren’t really able to bid on the top transfer mercenaries. There will most likely be shared snaps, unique packages, and a benching or two throughout the season. I’ll split this position into two groups:
Blacks: Alex Orji was playing meaningful snaps down the stretch last season, running the ball 15 times while throwing no passes. He is described with every fawning adjective in the DWF vocabulary, tiptoeing around the issue that he doesn’t throw the ball very well. If you think of Alabama’s Jalen Milroe as a poor man’s Tim Tebow, consider Alex Orji to be a pauper’s Jalen Milroe. Next up, Jayden Denegal plays like a quarterback but seems to be a clear fourth man in the pecking order. Orji and Denegal were signed as “project” recruits three years ago (by departed black QB fetishist Matt Weiss) because McCarthy was an entrenched projected starter. Incoming freshman QB Jadyn Davis will redshirt. Davis was originally a 5-star recruit but has lost a bit of bloom from his high school hype. He was a local kid with strong interest, at which point you pretty much have to take him. I don’t feel he’s guaranteed to be a multi-year starter anymore.
Whites: A traditional redshirt, two transfers, a medical redshirt, and a Covid hoax year are the combination of circumstances that bring Jack Tuttle to fall camp for a seventh season. Tuttle falls into the stereotype of the safe, checkdown-throwing game manager, although he is an adept scrambler (converting a 3rd and 17 last year). He was JJ McCarthy’s backup last season and has played the most non-wildcat snaps in terms of experience. Former walk-on Davis Warren was hurt last season but was McCarthy’s primary backup in 2022. He is allegedly the fastest sprinter in the QB room. While Tuttle represents high-floor/low-ceiling, Orji is thought to represent the opposite, and Warren is somewhere in between.
Carter Smith and Brady Hart are both four-star (white QB) signees from the 2025 and 2026 class, which gives an idea how Sherrone Moore’s staff is recruiting the position going forward.
I predict that Tuttle gets the nod, at least for Week One. Orji will play at some point and attempt his first pass, and we’ll go from there. I would personally like to see Davis Warren, if only because Michigan hasn’t started a walk-on at QB in almost 20 years and he seems to have the right tools.
Running back: The big and only name to follow is redshirt freshman Cole Cabana. Cabana was a high school track star with a 4.34 camp 40 time (10.55 sec 100m, similar to recent 1st round WR Xavier Worthy) and a 4-star recruiting ranking. He’s in a crowded running back room for one more year, but Michigan’s 3rd running back has averaged 42 carries over the past 3 seasons. Cabana is a bit of a unicorn at 6’0 198 lbs: the only non-midget rusher in the NFL with a sub-200 lbs frame is Buffalo’s James Hall (who just had a very good season). **Cabana weighed into fall camp at 204 lbs last week**
This is a tired cliche, but here’s how I’d describe Michigan’s running backs, sorted by class:
senior: Donovan Edwards (speed) 6'1 212 lbs
RS junior Kalel Mullings (power) 6'2 233 lbs
RS junior Tavierre Dunlap (power) 6'0 229 lbs
RS freshman Benjamin Hall (power) 5'11 235 lbs
RS freshman Cole Cabana (speed) 6'0 204 lbs
freshman Jordan Marshall (mix) 5'11 210 lbs
freshman Micah Ka’apana (speed) 5'11 190
In 2025, the Wolverines will have an All-American sized hole for a “speed”-centered running back. Cabana has a window for some touches this year and would be well-served by catching swing passes with space in front of him, which Michigan/Moore has not historically called much. Something worth noting is that Cabana was recruited by former RB coach (and RB) Mike Hart, who left the program last year. New RB coach Tony Alford might not be so “open-minded” to a white running back. If the true freshman backs (especially Ka’apana) start seeing carries, it’s a strong sign that Cabana is getting jerked.
Tight Ends: Idaho’s finest Colston Loveland will be on some pre-season All-American lists and remains a focal point of the passing game. Max Bredeson, brother of NFL guard Ben, mostly just blocks and will likely play starter’s snaps as an “H-back.” Marlin Klein will have a decent campaign as the second pass-catching tight end as a prelude to an eventual pro career, and there are a few more white underclassmen behind these guys.
I’ll add a line here that walk-on wide receiver Peyton O’Leary didn’t see much of the field last year despite being a Spring Game breakout star. He’s limited by the run-heavy offense, but I’ll hold out hope that he gets more action with another year under his belt.
Offensive Line: Michigan drops to three white starters this season. Josh Priebe joins the team via transfer from Northwestern, Greg Crippen gets his overdue promotion at center, and Andrew Gentry will probably get the shot to become a future three-year starter at tackle. I decided not to include Giovanni El-Hadi with the whites, as he’s half-Greek half-Mohammedan. Jeffrey Persi is the probable plug-in sixth lineman. Recruits are still mostly white and project to a 4/5 future average.
Defense: Mason Graham is the team’s best player while lining up as a 3-tech DT. He will be a sack machine once again and will mostly likely be a mid-first round draft pick. Graham is the only white starter on the defense. (Hmm, they should have found some more!)
At LB, Jimmy Rolder was hurt much of last year after getting playing time as a true freshman. He’s still a backup this season but should get some important rotational snaps. True freshman Cole Sullivan has a lot of spring practice buzz. Brooks Bahr, walk-on Joey Klunder, and true freshman Owen Wafle may get snaps on the defensive line, but they’re not likely to be featured heavily.
Michigan has no white edges to continue the Chase Winovich - Aidan Hutchinson - Braiden McGregor pipeline. In fact, the Wolverines have been shoehorning their white defenders into two positions: defensive tackle and inside linebacker. Six of the nine white defenders on the scholarship roster who aren’t Mason Graham are technically backups to Mason Graham. I hope they develop a little bit of versatility as the season progresses.
Overall, this is a pretty standard “caste” team, with one white potential All-American on either side of the ball.
Starters:
QB: Jack Tuttle
TE: Colston Loveland
H-Back: Max Bredeson
OL: Josh Priebe, Alan Gentry, Greg Crippen
DT: Mason Graham
Backups:
QB: Davis Warren
WR: Peyton O’Leary
TE: Marlin Klein, Deakon Tonielli, Brady Prieskorn, Hogan Hansen
OL: Jeffrey Persi, Tristan Bounds, Dominic Giudice, Connor Jones, Evan Link, Luke Hamilton, Ben Roebuck, Jake Guarnera
DL: Joey Klunder, Brooks Bahr, Alessandro Lorenzetti, Owen Wafle, Ted Hammond, Manuel Beigel
LB: Jimmy Rolder, Christian Boivin, Cole Sullivan
