Phall
Master
Since 2005, Michigan’s white starter tallies have been 8,7,8,9,8,9,9,8,12,11,10,10,8,7,6,5, and 7. This year, they project to start a record-low FOUR white honkeys, making this their *blackest team ever*. We could possibly add a fifth starter for consideration, as the second TE Luke Schoonmaker has been given credit for 10 career starts. As I will explain, this number will increase back to six and hold steady around there in coming years until a coaching change.
Michigan remains a very “caste” team, with white players only allowed to play an ever-shrinking designation of positions. The team overachieved last year on the back of top draft pick Aidan Hutchinson and former backup QB Cade McNamara, finishing 12-2, defeating Ohio State, and making the playoffs for the first time. Jim Harbaugh pursued NFL coaching positions before ultimately “turning down” the Vikings job and signing a new contract with Michigan. He planned to take QB Coach Matt Weiss with him, probably as his OC. His actual coordinators responded by leaving: DC Mike McDonald, who is white, returned to the Ravens as their DC after a year with the Wolverines; he’d previously been the Ravens LB coach. OC Josh Gattis, who is black, left to take the same position at Miami. Gattis won the “coordinator of the year” award in a perfect storm of affirmative action, but never seemed very special or talented. He was also pulled off of recruiting duties in the middle of the season because he slept with a recruit's mom.
This staff attrition cost the program some momentum. The new defensive coordinator is Jesse Mintner, yet another former Ravens staffer (Harbaugh taps his brother for a lot of young coaching hires). There will be two “co-offensive coordinators,” the QB coach Weiss and the O-Line coach Sherrone Moore. Moore, who is black, did a terrific job coaching last year’s snowplow line. It has long been thought that Harbaugh kept a heavy hand in the play-calling anyway. Another team tidbit of no real consequence: Harbaugh ruffled some administrative feathers by publicly opposing abortion and supporting the Supreme Court’s decision to overturn Roe vs. Wade. He made a silly statement that he and his wife would help raise any unwanted child that his players might sire. This is funny because most of the school administration (and fanbase) are smug, fervent abortionists.
The Wolverines are still led by Cade McNamara at QB, who is holding off younger superstar JJ McCarthy. McCarthy always looks impressive when given opportunities and will see an increased number of packages this year as a backup. McNamara was the third-string QB in 2020 before Dylan McCaffrey announced his transfer in the first week and the putrid Joe Milton (now on Tennessee’s bench) played his way off the field. McNamara has been a stable and capable presence though and has done enough to not get benched. The third-string QB is probably walk-on Davis Warren; Texas Tech transfer Alan Bowman has faded from consideration.
The future of the QB position is in peril, though, as the two true freshman recruits are black, although neither seems very promising. Mike Weiss appears to be a huge racial cuck and *exclusively* recruits black QBs. Michigan was almost thrown a lifeline as former coach Lloyd Carr’s nephew emerged as a top prospect with de facto ties to Ann Arbor, but he actually spurned Michigan for Notre Dame's 2023 class. This is in line with the theory that Lloyd Carr hates Michigan and actively works to undermine the program, but that’s another story. Michigan overpowered most of its early-season schedule last year, which resulted in an abnormally small number of passing plays called. There is a perception that this has hurt QB recruiting, with Michigan forced to extend offers to lower-rated recruits based on “potential” (which always means blacks). The staff has not felt pressured to reach for any white receiver prospects, as usual. The new transfer portal marketplace sort of mitigates the risk of not lining up a depth chart with obvious successors.
Of the fifteen scholarship offensive lineman, eleven are white (and one is an Arab). However, this year’s line will probably have two black starters after Virginia’s credentialed African center joined as a grad transfer. This ratio should correct itself in future seasons based on recruiting patterns.
The tight ends room has eight white players out of nine scholarship athletes, but the starter is the lone black, Erick All. This will also correct itself in the future. Luke Schoonmaker has the most experience and could conceivably have a big year. Schoonmaker is probably a "co-starter" and the more likely endzone target.
Michigan has two white defensive lineman. Mason Graham is 317 lbs as a true freshman and comes in with recruiting fanfare. Dom Guidice is still a roster underdog in his second year with the program. Graham will probably rotate in sometimes, but neither are starters.
Former DT Julius Welschoff has moved to outside linebacker and has lost 22 lbs this offseason to help the position switch. Welschoff is a stud athlete from Germany who never found heavy minutes as a defensive tackle. He could have featured at many other places, surely. We are waiting on former high school stud Braiden McGregor to fulfill his destiny as Aidan Hutchinson’s heir-apparent, but he perhaps never quite recovered from blowing out his ACL as a senior. Joey Klunder was a three-star recruit at edge rusher and chose to attend Michigan as a walk-on. Michigan recruited Jimmy Rolder to play linebacker, which is a refreshing change of pace, but he likely won’t feature at all as a true freshman. Joey Velazquez is also on the roster at LB but has yet to play much at all - he’s also on Michigan’s baseball team.
In the backfield, Caden Kolesar is the lone white contributor at safety. He’s a legacy admission who joined the team as a grayshirt in 2021 but has not definitively been given a scholarship despite winning a spot on the depth chart. He was the ad-hoc punt returner for a few games last year, but that probably will not reoccur. He seemed to get his named called often (for good reasons) during limited playtime.
It is encouraging that there were two white scholarship defenders added this year, neither at the usual edge rusher position. Michigan also signed a white tailback Cole Cabana for next year’s class. Still, the bottom line is that four white starters don’t leave the casual fan with much to celebrate. The best-case scenario would be for Cabana to start fast next year and emerge as a wheel-route target for McCarthy in 2024, with the white starter total returning to 8ish. However, that's a long way away.
Starters:
QB: Cade McNamara
O-Line: Ryan Hayes, Zak Zinter, Trevor Keegan
Backups to watch:
QB: JJ McCarthy
O-Line: Karsen Barnhardt, Greg Crippen, Reece Atteberry, Jeffrey Persi
TE: Luke Schoonmaker, Matthew Hibner, Joel Honigford
DT: Mason Graham, Dom Guidice
Edge: Braiden McGregor, Julius Welschof
LB: Joey Velazquez
S: Caden Kolesar
Michigan remains a very “caste” team, with white players only allowed to play an ever-shrinking designation of positions. The team overachieved last year on the back of top draft pick Aidan Hutchinson and former backup QB Cade McNamara, finishing 12-2, defeating Ohio State, and making the playoffs for the first time. Jim Harbaugh pursued NFL coaching positions before ultimately “turning down” the Vikings job and signing a new contract with Michigan. He planned to take QB Coach Matt Weiss with him, probably as his OC. His actual coordinators responded by leaving: DC Mike McDonald, who is white, returned to the Ravens as their DC after a year with the Wolverines; he’d previously been the Ravens LB coach. OC Josh Gattis, who is black, left to take the same position at Miami. Gattis won the “coordinator of the year” award in a perfect storm of affirmative action, but never seemed very special or talented. He was also pulled off of recruiting duties in the middle of the season because he slept with a recruit's mom.
This staff attrition cost the program some momentum. The new defensive coordinator is Jesse Mintner, yet another former Ravens staffer (Harbaugh taps his brother for a lot of young coaching hires). There will be two “co-offensive coordinators,” the QB coach Weiss and the O-Line coach Sherrone Moore. Moore, who is black, did a terrific job coaching last year’s snowplow line. It has long been thought that Harbaugh kept a heavy hand in the play-calling anyway. Another team tidbit of no real consequence: Harbaugh ruffled some administrative feathers by publicly opposing abortion and supporting the Supreme Court’s decision to overturn Roe vs. Wade. He made a silly statement that he and his wife would help raise any unwanted child that his players might sire. This is funny because most of the school administration (and fanbase) are smug, fervent abortionists.
The Wolverines are still led by Cade McNamara at QB, who is holding off younger superstar JJ McCarthy. McCarthy always looks impressive when given opportunities and will see an increased number of packages this year as a backup. McNamara was the third-string QB in 2020 before Dylan McCaffrey announced his transfer in the first week and the putrid Joe Milton (now on Tennessee’s bench) played his way off the field. McNamara has been a stable and capable presence though and has done enough to not get benched. The third-string QB is probably walk-on Davis Warren; Texas Tech transfer Alan Bowman has faded from consideration.
The future of the QB position is in peril, though, as the two true freshman recruits are black, although neither seems very promising. Mike Weiss appears to be a huge racial cuck and *exclusively* recruits black QBs. Michigan was almost thrown a lifeline as former coach Lloyd Carr’s nephew emerged as a top prospect with de facto ties to Ann Arbor, but he actually spurned Michigan for Notre Dame's 2023 class. This is in line with the theory that Lloyd Carr hates Michigan and actively works to undermine the program, but that’s another story. Michigan overpowered most of its early-season schedule last year, which resulted in an abnormally small number of passing plays called. There is a perception that this has hurt QB recruiting, with Michigan forced to extend offers to lower-rated recruits based on “potential” (which always means blacks). The staff has not felt pressured to reach for any white receiver prospects, as usual. The new transfer portal marketplace sort of mitigates the risk of not lining up a depth chart with obvious successors.
Of the fifteen scholarship offensive lineman, eleven are white (and one is an Arab). However, this year’s line will probably have two black starters after Virginia’s credentialed African center joined as a grad transfer. This ratio should correct itself in future seasons based on recruiting patterns.
The tight ends room has eight white players out of nine scholarship athletes, but the starter is the lone black, Erick All. This will also correct itself in the future. Luke Schoonmaker has the most experience and could conceivably have a big year. Schoonmaker is probably a "co-starter" and the more likely endzone target.
Michigan has two white defensive lineman. Mason Graham is 317 lbs as a true freshman and comes in with recruiting fanfare. Dom Guidice is still a roster underdog in his second year with the program. Graham will probably rotate in sometimes, but neither are starters.
Former DT Julius Welschoff has moved to outside linebacker and has lost 22 lbs this offseason to help the position switch. Welschoff is a stud athlete from Germany who never found heavy minutes as a defensive tackle. He could have featured at many other places, surely. We are waiting on former high school stud Braiden McGregor to fulfill his destiny as Aidan Hutchinson’s heir-apparent, but he perhaps never quite recovered from blowing out his ACL as a senior. Joey Klunder was a three-star recruit at edge rusher and chose to attend Michigan as a walk-on. Michigan recruited Jimmy Rolder to play linebacker, which is a refreshing change of pace, but he likely won’t feature at all as a true freshman. Joey Velazquez is also on the roster at LB but has yet to play much at all - he’s also on Michigan’s baseball team.
In the backfield, Caden Kolesar is the lone white contributor at safety. He’s a legacy admission who joined the team as a grayshirt in 2021 but has not definitively been given a scholarship despite winning a spot on the depth chart. He was the ad-hoc punt returner for a few games last year, but that probably will not reoccur. He seemed to get his named called often (for good reasons) during limited playtime.
It is encouraging that there were two white scholarship defenders added this year, neither at the usual edge rusher position. Michigan also signed a white tailback Cole Cabana for next year’s class. Still, the bottom line is that four white starters don’t leave the casual fan with much to celebrate. The best-case scenario would be for Cabana to start fast next year and emerge as a wheel-route target for McCarthy in 2024, with the white starter total returning to 8ish. However, that's a long way away.
Starters:
QB: Cade McNamara
O-Line: Ryan Hayes, Zak Zinter, Trevor Keegan
Backups to watch:
QB: JJ McCarthy
O-Line: Karsen Barnhardt, Greg Crippen, Reece Atteberry, Jeffrey Persi
TE: Luke Schoonmaker, Matthew Hibner, Joel Honigford
DT: Mason Graham, Dom Guidice
Edge: Braiden McGregor, Julius Welschof
LB: Joey Velazquez
S: Caden Kolesar
