WEST REGIONAL:
1 Florida
The Gators start talented sophomore center Alex Condon, who is a borderline first round pick this summer. Sophomore forward Thomas Haugh comes off the bench and averages 9.4 points and 6 rebounds with 24 minutes per game. Backups Urban Klavzar and Micah Handlogten round out the back end of the rotation. I’ve been a bit disappointed that Condon hasn’t been leaned on as a superstar, but this still isn’t a terrible team to watch.
16 Norfolk State
Is the number of Historically Black Colleges and Universities in the USA slowly growing over time? This team is another weak auto-bid conference champion that features entirely black males on its roster and coaching staff.
8 UConn
The Huskies are still in rare air for starting two white Americans who could be first round NBA draft picks this summer. True freshman Liam McNeeley is the stud, and redshirt junior Alex Karaban is the team captain. Point guard Aidan Mahaney joined the team this year after a promising career start at St. Mary’s, but he has never really gotten off the ground in Connecticut. Credit to coach Dan Hurley for putting three straight white-friendly basketball teams on the floor after starting his coaching career with almost two decades of coal-black bakkaball.
9 Oklahoma
Forward Sam Godwin is a low-usage starter for the Sooners. Guard Dayton Forsythe and big man Luke Northweather average 10-12 minutes per game as backups. Head coach Porter Moser is renowned for making the Final Four with Loyola Chicago in 2018. Although his son is at the end of the bench, this team is pretty pedestrian.
5 Memphis
Now looka here, boy! You thought coach Anfernee Hardaway was gonna be recruiting some sorry ass crackas to play for his squad! Now, you know ya done f+cked up, doncha? There is a solitary white gentleman walk-on who has never been given even a token minute of floor time all year. While I shouldn’t speculate out loud, calling this a “humiliation ritual” would be putting it mildly.
12 Colorado State
This is kind of a down-year for Nico Medved’s Rams program. They don’t start any whites, but play Ethan Morton, Nikola Drape, Bowen Born, and Kyle Jorgensen off the bench when all are healthy. I can’t give them a good mark with no white starters, but they’re certainly worth backing over Memphis.
4 Maryland
The Terps haven’t had a white player on scholarship in nearly ten years. They keep two suckers on the tail-end of their bench.
13 Grand Canyon
Big man Duke Brennan claws down more than 9 rebounds per game as a starter. Sophomore guard Caleb Shaw is the final man in a shallow 8-man rotation. Backup center Austin Maurer might see a few minutes in the tournament just because of his 7’0 height. Head coach and former tourney star Bryce Drew has fielded better squads in the past but reliably finds this #13 seed.
6 Missouri
Guard Caleb Grill doesn’t start, but plays over half the game’s minutes as a sharpshooter with 77 3-pointers made on the season. Backup swing man Jacob Crews is good for at least one deep ball per game. Not a very white-friendly team considering the location in the heart of the Rust Belt.
11 Drake
The Bulldogs are traditionally a white-friendly private school in Iowa. Here’s a bit of lore: last year’s coach, Darian DeVries, was hired away by West Virginia - he missed the top tier of power conference jobs. He brought his son Tucker with him to WVU, where he was the star until an injury in December. The NCAA committee left WVU out of the bracket this year, citing that injury as a reason. Meanwhile at Drake, new coach Ben McCollum kept the ball rolling with a gaudy 30-3 season record. Despite the short tenure, he’s a front-runner for a few Big Ten jobs over DeVries simply because he doesn’t have a big contract buyout. Anyway, Drake’s best player is guard Bennett Stirtz, who boasts 19.1- 4.5-5.7 averages. They also start Mitch Mascari and Daniel Abreu (Brazilian admixture?) while bringing Nate Ferguson off the bench. Stirtz followed coach McCollum from Northwest Missouri State and has had no trouble playing up a level. Good team overall!
3 Texas Tech
The Red Raiders are in fact as black as the coldest, darkest night. They keep one white guy at the end of their bench, though.
14 UNC Wilmington
The Seahawks are back in the dance after a long layoff. They don’t have much to cheer for apart from junior guard Noah Ross, who plays a majority of game minutes while coming off the bench. Two other white athletes don’t crack the deep 11-man rotation.
7 Kansas
The Jayhawks have underachieved this year. Apart from forever-senior center Hunter Dickinson and his team-leading 17.6 and 10.0 averages, there aren’t any other white players to expect. Five unused white players are stashed on the end of the bench.
10 Arkansas
John Calipari squeaked into the big dance after a middling first regular season with the Razorbacks. He brought Croatian starting center Zvonimir Ivisic with him from Kentucky and isn’t even bothering with white walk-ons at the moment.
2 St. John’s
Rick Pitino has rebounded from his temporary fall from grace with another black-centric roster. Sophomore rotation forward Brady Dunlap is out for the season with injury. Portuguese big man Ruben Prey sees spot duty. The Red Storm are rather monochromatic.
15 Omaha
I can’t recall the Mavericks ever making a tournament. They start shooting guard Tony Osburn and bring power forward Joshua Streit in for solid backup minutes. Not exactly a team of corn-fed hogmollies.
Slimmer pickings in this region, as I’d say Drake and UConn are our two best rooting options. The unlikeable St. John's, Texas Tech, Maryland, and Memphis teams didn't get the memo that DEI lost at the ballot box, bigly.