Gavin McInnes at Takimag.com reviews the Oscars:
http://www.takimag.com/blogs/article/oscar_fashion_wrap_what_the_red_carpet_taught_us/
J-Lo showed up to take her title back from J-Woww as the only female J-Abbreviation allowed in the tri-state area. She had put on a bit of weight but fortunately Sherri Shepherd speaks Pig Latina and was able to communicate with the actor perfectly.
James Cameron admitted that without 3-D Imax, Avatar is just an episode of the Smurfs, in Costa Rica, written by Janeane Garafolo.
Incidentally, you may have noticed I'm taking it easy on Sean Penn. This is because I have an appointment with my proctologist on Friday and I don't want to jinx it.
His Italian waitress girlfriend had apparently just seen District 9 because she was digging her claws into him like a Prawn. Incidentally, that movie's working title, "What if Mexicans Were Smart Bugs?"Â would have killed all possible chances at an Oscar.
Matt Damon was asked what the hardest part of doing a movie in South Africa and he said, "Learning that accent."Â I would have thought it was getting raped every day.
Morgan Freeman showed up with a head that looks like a homeless man dipped in gorgeous sauce. Kathy licked his a** with a giant, "Thank you for your philanthropy and your talent. Thank you. Thank you."Â Apparently this obsequious line of "questioning"Â has been going of for years because his daughter is named Morgana Freeman! Let's hope she names her daughter the same thing so the world can have it's first female "The third."Â
Freeman also showed some stunning jewelry he and his entourage were wearing. It was to be auctioned off at the end of the night to raise money for the Free Mandela foundation. By the way, wouldn't it be cool if Freakonomics did the numbers on who is responsible for more deaths: all of the Nazi skinheads of the world combined or Mandela? I bet it's 37 to 347 respectively and I bet that with all due respect.
Neil Patrick Harris did a dancey number that looked like he was heading his own coming out party complete with fancy dancers in nude hosiery.
I found Precious' Gabourey Sidibe to be incredibly sexy but I just got out of jail after 20 years. She wasn't the greatest one at this event but as far as Ones go, she was pretty great.
