One of the many interesting phenomena I have noticed about "God's Chosen Athletes" is their tendency to lose their balance for no discernible reason and fall down. Notice how often this happens in football games.
Caste columnist Gene Collier has discovered the answer to this perplexing tendency: Blacks fall down because of their blinding speed. Here's Geno in his own sophomoric words:
Against the grain of reason, against the grain of evidence, and entirely against the flow of ready excuses, Willie Parker executed another cutback in the minutes after the Steelers sidestepped the Browns Sunday, shifting the discussion with the same fluid flash that has made him famous.
DD Grassmaster, which is the name of the playing surface at Heinz Field rather than, as I suspected, the opening act for Jay Z, had little or nothing to do with Parker's intermittent pratfalls on the margins of another 100-yard performance. If, as Willie said, he left a lot of rushing yards unclaimed in various sectors of the North Side lawn, it was primarily his fault for, as he put it, "not getting my feet under me."
It's pretty hard to lead the conference in rushing without your feet under you, but everyone has a kind of inner gyroscope that triggers some confidence alarm when it leans away from total control. You don't think much of the implications of your inner gyroscope when you're taking out the trash, but when you're streaking toward eight in the box trying to identify the exact strands of DD Grassmaster that will support an instantaneous cut, it can get complicated. When you're doing this with the kind of speed Willie Parker has, the variables are more volatile still.
Lonnie Smith, a brilliant prospect in the Philadelphia Phillies' minor-league system in the late 1970s, was so fast he had trouble going from first base to third at full speed without falling down. Dwight Stone, a former Steelers scatback and special teams burner, veered out of bounds on his way to an uncontested touchdown once by failing to command the old inner gyroscope.
Even someone as accomplished as Parker can wind up on the ground without being touched, without knowing how he got there.
Collier mangles his facts almost as badly as his reasoning. Lonnie Smith was not just a minor league prospect, he had a long career in the majors, during which he was nicknamed "Skates" because he so often fell down running the bases and trying to catch balls in the outfield.
Dwight Stone veered out of bounds a lot more than once, which is why his career as a wide receiver was quickly short-circuited and switched to that of a special teams demon.
So if you're watching a game at a bar and a white player falls down without being touched (assuming a white player other than a QB actually has the ball), when your buddies roar with laughter and begin mocking the player in question and calling him a loser, simply inform them that this is a player of the greatest possible athleticism who fell down solely because of his mind-boggling speed.
Collier's opus: http://www.post-gazette.com/pg/07319/834039-150.stm
Caste columnist Gene Collier has discovered the answer to this perplexing tendency: Blacks fall down because of their blinding speed. Here's Geno in his own sophomoric words:
Against the grain of reason, against the grain of evidence, and entirely against the flow of ready excuses, Willie Parker executed another cutback in the minutes after the Steelers sidestepped the Browns Sunday, shifting the discussion with the same fluid flash that has made him famous.
DD Grassmaster, which is the name of the playing surface at Heinz Field rather than, as I suspected, the opening act for Jay Z, had little or nothing to do with Parker's intermittent pratfalls on the margins of another 100-yard performance. If, as Willie said, he left a lot of rushing yards unclaimed in various sectors of the North Side lawn, it was primarily his fault for, as he put it, "not getting my feet under me."
It's pretty hard to lead the conference in rushing without your feet under you, but everyone has a kind of inner gyroscope that triggers some confidence alarm when it leans away from total control. You don't think much of the implications of your inner gyroscope when you're taking out the trash, but when you're streaking toward eight in the box trying to identify the exact strands of DD Grassmaster that will support an instantaneous cut, it can get complicated. When you're doing this with the kind of speed Willie Parker has, the variables are more volatile still.
Lonnie Smith, a brilliant prospect in the Philadelphia Phillies' minor-league system in the late 1970s, was so fast he had trouble going from first base to third at full speed without falling down. Dwight Stone, a former Steelers scatback and special teams burner, veered out of bounds on his way to an uncontested touchdown once by failing to command the old inner gyroscope.
Even someone as accomplished as Parker can wind up on the ground without being touched, without knowing how he got there.
Collier mangles his facts almost as badly as his reasoning. Lonnie Smith was not just a minor league prospect, he had a long career in the majors, during which he was nicknamed "Skates" because he so often fell down running the bases and trying to catch balls in the outfield.
Dwight Stone veered out of bounds a lot more than once, which is why his career as a wide receiver was quickly short-circuited and switched to that of a special teams demon.
So if you're watching a game at a bar and a white player falls down without being touched (assuming a white player other than a QB actually has the ball), when your buddies roar with laughter and begin mocking the player in question and calling him a loser, simply inform them that this is a player of the greatest possible athleticism who fell down solely because of his mind-boggling speed.
Collier's opus: http://www.post-gazette.com/pg/07319/834039-150.stm
