Jimmy Chitwood
Hall of Famer
the draft gossip is going to be heating up soon, as the deadline for early entries was Saturday. so in order to start off the thread, i wanted to post an article that is hilarious. it bashes ten players who have entered their names into the early NBA draft list, despite having as much business there as i do in a space shuttle.
shockingly, nine of the ten lampoons are black. here goes: link
or read it without pics here...
Please, please stay in school for one more season
May 2, 2006
Greg Doyel
This is quite possibly the meanest Ten for Tuesday of all time. Which is saying something.
Still, these things need to be said. Every year, a handful of woefully unprepared underclassmen enter the NBA Draft. They are begging for ridicule, and you know us: eager to please.
All 10 can withdraw, however. None has signed with an agent. So consider this a public-service announcement, albeit a mean one.
1. Renaldo Balkman, South Carolina: He has really cool hair. And that's about it. If Balkman entered the draft for exposure and attention, fine, he got it. Otherwise, he's a 6-foot-7 power forward whose height exceeds his shooting range. On the up side, he was MVP of the NIT. On the down side ... big deal.
2. Daniel Gibson, Texas: Gibson isn't dumb for entering the NBA Draft early. He's dumb for entering the draft early now. Only a sophomore, Gibson has now burned his one free draft card -- sounds unpatriotic, no? -- a year too early. Maybe by next year Gibson will have become at least a passable point guard, and finally on the fringe of an NBA career. Right now he's a short shooting guard who's not nearly the shooter he thinks he is. He's on the fringe of Bolivia.
3. Darius Washington, Memphis: We've lampooned Washington before, even begged him to stay in the draft, but that was cruel and unnecessary and not even accurate. We apologize. It's truly in his best interests -- though frankly I am sick of watching this guy waste his self-inflated talent -- to return to school. An undersized shooting guard with a bad attitude and a suspect jumper, Washington is less of a pro than Daniel Gibson. And Gibson's not a pro. So go back to Memphis, Darius, and tell your old man to shut his trap. If Pops was so good, he'd be more than a soccer mom.
4. Mustafa Shakur, Arizona: Shame on us, but this is our fault. Three years ago, the media, recruiting analysts, etc. built up Shakur into something he's not. As in, a great player. He's not. He's a decent Pac-10 player who has grown tired of playing for Lute Olson, but with Hassan Adams and Chris Rodgers finally gone, Shakur should come back and show us, once and for all, that he wasn't overrated three years ago. (You were overrated, Mustafa. But come back anyway. You're an easy target.)
5. Cedric Simmons, North Carolina State: Herb Sendek is gone, so Simmons is gone too. This is what you call "throwing out the baby with the bathwater." Sure it's a cliché, but find anyone else who has used that cliché while discussing college basketball. Exactly. Moving on ... Simmons has an NBA body, and in a year or two he might have an NBA game. Which is why declaring for the draft now, as a sophomore, is a waste of his one free draft pass. He should come back to school and try to develop his game under Bobby Cremins or Jennifer Aniston or Scooby-Doo, or whomever the Wolfpack convince to be their next coach.
6. Shawne Williams, Memphis: Way too early, Shawne. Way. Too. Early. This guy could be a very good pro some day, but that day is not the 2006-07 season, and if he ends up in the wrong system that day might never come. Better to stay in school and tighten up the holes in his game -- perimeter shooting, breaking down defenders -- than to become the next Rodney White.
7. Two Maryland stiffs: Their names are (chuckle) Ekene Ibekwe and (haha) D.J. Strawberry. Apparently they were going to enter the 2006 draft (chortle) for kicks and giggles, so here you go, silly Terps. We're kicking you. And we're laughing at you. Technically, the NBA won't release its official underclassman list until later this week, and Strawberry and Ibekwe might have had second thoughts about filing. Too late, goofballs. Hahahahahaha.
8. Arron Afflalo, UCLA: This was disappointing. Afflalo is way too smart to have entered the draft as a sophomore. He's sharp, he seems mature, and he's in no financial rush. Yet ... there he is in the NBA Draft pool a year early, wasting his free pass now when next year is the earliest he might be a borderline first-round pick. Frankly, this looks like jealousy: Classmate Jordan Farmar entered the draft, so Afflalo did too. Let's hope Farmar doesn't start playing in traffic.
9. Rajon Rondo, Kentucky: Rondo cracks me up. Can't shoot at all, not even free throws, but he's going to the NBA as a sophomore. What's funnier is that there's an NBA team (or five) that will draft him before the lottery is finished. Whoever the lucky general manager is, wish him luck in his next job. It's not easy servicing soda machines.
10. Cem Dinc, Indiana: This is sport's biggest hoax since Sidd Finch, the imaginary pitcher Sports Illustrated concocted for an April Fool's Day joke in 1985. When he signed in August with Indiana, the German-Turkish Dinc told CBS SportsLine.com he was a 6-foot-10, 250-pound shooting guard. He proceeded to play 12 minutes all season. He might have been a 6-10, 250-pound shooting guard ... but he wasn't a good 6-10, 250-pound shooting guard. So of course he has entered the 2006 NBA Draft. When you make it to the show, Cem, give our regards to Sidd.
or read it without pics here...
Please, please stay in school for one more season
May 2, 2006
Greg Doyel
This is quite possibly the meanest Ten for Tuesday of all time. Which is saying something.
Still, these things need to be said. Every year, a handful of woefully unprepared underclassmen enter the NBA Draft. They are begging for ridicule, and you know us: eager to please.
All 10 can withdraw, however. None has signed with an agent. So consider this a public-service announcement, albeit a mean one.
1. Renaldo Balkman, South Carolina: He has really cool hair. And that's about it. If Balkman entered the draft for exposure and attention, fine, he got it. Otherwise, he's a 6-foot-7 power forward whose height exceeds his shooting range. On the up side, he was MVP of the NIT. On the down side ... big deal.
2. Daniel Gibson, Texas: Gibson isn't dumb for entering the NBA Draft early. He's dumb for entering the draft early now. Only a sophomore, Gibson has now burned his one free draft card -- sounds unpatriotic, no? -- a year too early. Maybe by next year Gibson will have become at least a passable point guard, and finally on the fringe of an NBA career. Right now he's a short shooting guard who's not nearly the shooter he thinks he is. He's on the fringe of Bolivia.
3. Darius Washington, Memphis: We've lampooned Washington before, even begged him to stay in the draft, but that was cruel and unnecessary and not even accurate. We apologize. It's truly in his best interests -- though frankly I am sick of watching this guy waste his self-inflated talent -- to return to school. An undersized shooting guard with a bad attitude and a suspect jumper, Washington is less of a pro than Daniel Gibson. And Gibson's not a pro. So go back to Memphis, Darius, and tell your old man to shut his trap. If Pops was so good, he'd be more than a soccer mom.
4. Mustafa Shakur, Arizona: Shame on us, but this is our fault. Three years ago, the media, recruiting analysts, etc. built up Shakur into something he's not. As in, a great player. He's not. He's a decent Pac-10 player who has grown tired of playing for Lute Olson, but with Hassan Adams and Chris Rodgers finally gone, Shakur should come back and show us, once and for all, that he wasn't overrated three years ago. (You were overrated, Mustafa. But come back anyway. You're an easy target.)
5. Cedric Simmons, North Carolina State: Herb Sendek is gone, so Simmons is gone too. This is what you call "throwing out the baby with the bathwater." Sure it's a cliché, but find anyone else who has used that cliché while discussing college basketball. Exactly. Moving on ... Simmons has an NBA body, and in a year or two he might have an NBA game. Which is why declaring for the draft now, as a sophomore, is a waste of his one free draft pass. He should come back to school and try to develop his game under Bobby Cremins or Jennifer Aniston or Scooby-Doo, or whomever the Wolfpack convince to be their next coach.
6. Shawne Williams, Memphis: Way too early, Shawne. Way. Too. Early. This guy could be a very good pro some day, but that day is not the 2006-07 season, and if he ends up in the wrong system that day might never come. Better to stay in school and tighten up the holes in his game -- perimeter shooting, breaking down defenders -- than to become the next Rodney White.
7. Two Maryland stiffs: Their names are (chuckle) Ekene Ibekwe and (haha) D.J. Strawberry. Apparently they were going to enter the 2006 draft (chortle) for kicks and giggles, so here you go, silly Terps. We're kicking you. And we're laughing at you. Technically, the NBA won't release its official underclassman list until later this week, and Strawberry and Ibekwe might have had second thoughts about filing. Too late, goofballs. Hahahahahaha.
8. Arron Afflalo, UCLA: This was disappointing. Afflalo is way too smart to have entered the draft as a sophomore. He's sharp, he seems mature, and he's in no financial rush. Yet ... there he is in the NBA Draft pool a year early, wasting his free pass now when next year is the earliest he might be a borderline first-round pick. Frankly, this looks like jealousy: Classmate Jordan Farmar entered the draft, so Afflalo did too. Let's hope Farmar doesn't start playing in traffic.
9. Rajon Rondo, Kentucky: Rondo cracks me up. Can't shoot at all, not even free throws, but he's going to the NBA as a sophomore. What's funnier is that there's an NBA team (or five) that will draft him before the lottery is finished. Whoever the lucky general manager is, wish him luck in his next job. It's not easy servicing soda machines.
10. Cem Dinc, Indiana: This is sport's biggest hoax since Sidd Finch, the imaginary pitcher Sports Illustrated concocted for an April Fool's Day joke in 1985. When he signed in August with Indiana, the German-Turkish Dinc told CBS SportsLine.com he was a 6-foot-10, 250-pound shooting guard. He proceeded to play 12 minutes all season. He might have been a 6-10, 250-pound shooting guard ... but he wasn't a good 6-10, 250-pound shooting guard. So of course he has entered the 2006 NBA Draft. When you make it to the show, Cem, give our regards to Sidd.
